…I left it somewhere and can’t find it. It’s not particularly alarming since there is $-10.86 in my checking account and I don’t carry cash.
It’s more of a nuisance, wondering when or if I am going to find it and when to make the decision to cancel the cards I have, reorder etc.
I have noticed that living in faith can turn into a cycle of pretending. I have done a lot of pretending over the last couple years. I am pretending nearly every time I grocery shop. I stack my items on the conveyer belt like everyone else, spark up conversation with the cashier and try to bring some light to their day. I follow through with payment, usually decline the help with my bags and exit the store. Typical for most, I’m sure.
The part I’m neglecting to acknowledge though, is that half way through the process, as the cashier passes each item past the scanner, I watch the screen. I watch the total, nervous I won’t be able to pay. I run through the all the possible scenarios of what I might do when my card declines. Do I say “I’m sorry,” and help put the items back? Do I lie and say “I have to get another form of payment in the car,” and never come back? I have this conversation with myself nearly every time I shop, and almost always, the card is simply approved, I sigh and know that shopping won’t always be this way. THIS is TEMPORARY.
This isn’t a poor me story. There are A LOT worse daily occurrences than hoping you didn’t overspend on your groceries. This story is meant to shine light on everywhere we are pretending. Living in faith doesn’t mean frolicking along pretending everything is ok and it’s not the martyr attitude, “I have no money, but I’m living in the light, I’ll be ok.”
Part of an authentic relationship with the divine is having revealed to you what’s NOT working in your life, so you can CHOOSE better.
Whether it be a relationship, finances, a job, I hear so many people in bad situations, ones not aligned with their heart, with their head low, saying “I can endure, God I know you have a great plan for me.”
Maybe all those circumstances are opportunities for you to CHOOSE you. Choose God’s path for you.
I HAVE NO MONEY
MY RELATIONSHIP IS DETRIMENTAL TO MY HEALTH
THIS JOB IS NOT MY CALLING
Whatever it is, the first step is get honest.
Then, BE CONFIDENT about taking steps toward the light. If you don’t know the steps, or your way out, or your way to, pray on that. LISTEN. Ask for clarity on that, but DON’T PRETEND.
Call it for what it is, so you can do something with it. It’s your choice to OPT IN to your divine purpose, and hardship is the reality check we need to get honest about where we’re at on the journey.