Since my first real relationship, i don't know, at 14....I have made pretty poor choices in significant others. When you're young, being into older bad boys can be cool, exciting, rebellious. When you're an adult you realize bad boys are just losers. I remember saying to a friend while in my 20s...."the next guy I date, is going to have a drivers license and a bank account."
Woweee, way to set the bar high there kiddo.
I've tried to figure out why I set the bar so low for so long. Part of it was rebellion. There was also this pedestal complex, where I enjoyed being "the best you've ever and will ever have." I didn't admit that then though, I covered that up by promoting my sacrificial willingness to help. "He has a good heart. he's just had a rough life. I'll help get him on track." The truth was, I had horribly low self-worth, and was co-dependent, on someone, anyone to validate that worth. The only remedy for co-dependence is independence. You gotta spend time getting to know who you are without anyone. I knew that, but still, like a Tasmanian devil, tornadoed through relationship after relationship, until I couldn't take it anymore. I was ready to conclude that dudes sucked and most were abusive, addicted, manipulative, narcissistic and mean.
And in that moment the the universe held a HUGE mirror up to my face and let me know. ITS YOU. It's not them. You need to start working on you. This is an inside job.
Your external world just reflects how you feel about you on the inside.
So I made an oath in that moment to be single for at least a year to focus. In that year I built the foundation of my Stable Moments program. I built a life focused on others and between horses, and kids and meetings and growing this program I developed a life that was rich and full without a boyfriend.
I would still get super lonely at times. I was experiencing some pretty cool things, things I would like to have shared with someone. In those moments I prayed for my husband. I didn't pray that he would be delivered to me. I didn't pray that God would give me a husband that fit into my ideal. I had faith that God would be better knowing of what I needed and who needed me. So I prayed that whoever he was, he knew he was loved. I prayed that wherever he was sitting, if he was lonely, that he would know I was there for him. I prayed that he knew he was special and worthy of an amazing relationship. I prayed that he would sleep well, eat well, be rested, not worry too much, that he would encounter joy everyday. This filled my need to nurture and grew my faith that he was out there.
It was about a year to the day that I made that oath that I got on Tinder, swiped right, and the rest is history. I needed that year to find myself, to build a life that was so rewarding that it was going to take a hell of a guy to distract me from it. It was the best decision I ever made, to make space for me, and attract someone incredible.
As we inch closer to Thanksgiving I thought a post about what I'm most grateful for was relevant, and the answer is easy. This year, it's my husband.